Friday, 25 May 2012

insignificance

summer means longer days, brighter evenings, calming weather. i stood on my balcony, listening to Beethoven's symphony 7 - First movement - all thanks to 'Nodame Cantabile' haha and just watch people go by~

a family of four, an elderly couple walking hand in hand, a teenager somewhat raging down the phone, young couples, people cycling by, others on motorbikes, people in cars, a mother pushing her child along in a pram. we live really self centred lives~ one human alone is really insignificant in such a large world where billions live. but in our lives, we tend to exist as one of the - if not - most important.

you're only aware of the people in your lives. the updates on facebook, twitter, the text messages, phone calls. whilst doing so, you're walking by so many other people doing exactly the same thing, except for one thing. you do not know each other, you are not linked.

meeting someone is something amazing. sometimes, in our busy lives. we forget about the values of friends, life, everything. focused intensely on one thing alone, you forget to take luxury in others.

we truly do live in a beautiful world. its amazing. the things we can do now, encounters, meetings, experiences. [ i did a photographic series regarding the theme - click me ] we're so absorbed in our own problems, issues and blow everything out of proportion.

i do this too.~ i know i do and i try to change, but of course its hard, having to pull out of this familiar feeling of making yourself seem important. there isn't anything wrong with it at all because everyone needs to and should feel and know that there is someone there for them, to help them, support them.it really is up to you how you intend to interpret this. relate it to your own situation because no one life is the same and we should respect and understand that.

just always remember and recognise when you are taking things out of proportion and that things probably aren't as bad as you think :)

Friday, 11 May 2012

tears

i forgot how good it feels to cry. haha whether crying of lauhter or sadness, its a really...odd? feeling.

didn't think i'd ever post anything so mmm 'expressive'? but this is the first step towards...something... - no idea what yet.

i've never liked the idea of crying. to me, it's like a sign of weakness. i never cry in front of people because..well first of all its awkward -laughs- i never know what to do when someone is crying...i just feed them with a constant supply of tissue.

but morely, i like to appear stonger. maybe stronger than i really am..-laughs- i've never really liked being centre of attention, i don't know what to do when i am..

but i think everyone should cry. it clears out your system :) and it destroys micro-organisms in the process ;) win! but seriously you should.

actually i was laughing to the point of crying earlier and then thought 'well might aswell let some more out' - mmm sounds kinda odd - and then started thinking about how oddly good it felt... < o dear...don't take that out of context. am i the only one with a dodgy mind? D; anyway so here i am typing this blog...and seriously questioning why i am...

ah well im sure i will read this back in a couple of months and think..'daym. i put thi sup? =-="'

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Express

i wish i could blog on the go. These posts would probably be more expressive.

Be Expressive.

how else will anyone know how you feel unless you speak out? tell someone how you feel, don't hold back, because staying silent can be worse.

I've never been a person who expresses myself well, to be honest...i'm quite a boring person -laughs- i tend to keep things to myself, try to appear strong and positive as much as i can.

but sometimes, even the strongest become weak. like a glass full of water that can contain no more, it overflows, pours out.

I believe theres a limit to people. how great or small that limit is is different upon each person. But everyone has a point where they just want to release and let go of all the...water in the glass. that doesn't really make sense does it...damn.

I don't think any one person reveals everything about them to another being. Everyone 'suffers' in their own ways. - i dont think 'suffering' is the word i want to use...but with this tired frazzled brain right now...it will have to do. - i'm gonna try and be expressive here.

for me, anxiety is an issue i've been dealing with for over a year now. i can go by ordinary life without issues on most days, but some days, it comes back to haunt me. i tell myself to be strong and i wish i was stronger. I want to be able to learn to control my thoughts. I know how hard it can be to take the courage to tell someone what troubles you. Sometimes, I feel like, telling people how you feel might be the way forward - with support by your side, but then agian, I know they will worry about me. I don't like the idea of that.

thats just a personal scanrio there, a rough idea anyway. but theres other things that are way more serious than anxiety. whether its an emotional issue, bullying or even in romantic affairs, express yourself. kinda hypocritical of me huh? -laughs- i know i know, but even i try to be more expressive and positive now.

if you never speak up, no one will ever know. seize the opportunities because, very often, there are no second chances. don't regret. Express. <<< sounds like one of those slogans for cheesy commercials.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

meaningful to fangirling

have you ever asked yourself what you want? what comes to mind when you ask yourself this? something short term and materialistic or something intangible?

listening to 屬於(Shu Yu) by 梁靜茹 (Fish Leong).
has anyone seen the  Taiwanese drama 'I Do'? its such a cute beautiful love story :'D i remember watching it ages ago..don't really remember what happens exactly but this song just fits perfectly with it.

我堅持的 都值得堅持嗎
What I've perservered for, is it all worth it?
我所相信的 就是真的嗎
What I believed in, is it really the truth?
如果我敢追求 我就敢擁有嗎
If I dare to pursue it, will I dare to keep it?
而如果 都算了 不要呢
What if I give up and don't want it anymore?

Decisions. Choices in life. thinking too much again?
__________________________________________________________________

o crappy I really shouldn't take breaks whilst blogging...totally lost my mojo -laughs-

but guess what I just found? a Tawainese version of 'Absolute Boyfriend' which is airing now :'D
ahh I love that drama so much - its one of the few that have actually been able to bring tears to my eyes~ the Japanese version - 'Zettai Kareshi' - is one of my all time favourite dramas and im interested to see how the t/w version will be. Goo Hye Sun plays Riiko :'D loved her in 'Boys Before Flowers' and Jiro Wang as Night. if only I didn't have exams in a week I would start it now...ahh exams...why?! D; I really should be studying...

this started off as a pretty uh...meaningful blog...but my fan girl instincts took over~ im sorry T^T i'll blog again when I feel like...expressing my innerself. -troll face- -laughs- hey I can blog happy things too right?

right back to studying....    ._______.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Emotions - Funny Things aren't they?

ahhh~ haven't blogged for a while. its not that I don't want to or that there isn't a lot on my mind, i've just been really busy, exams coming up and all.

I always struggle to phrase my thoughts, its probably why I never really open up to people and rarely grow strong attatchments to people. i'm used to people opening up to me and telling me things yet...who do I go to?

I guess I can blame myself for a lot of things, but people can't just change all that easily. Lately, I've just been striving to be more positive. Focusing on studies and trying to just...get on with life I guess?

ahh what am I talking about? everyone aims to find someone in which they can just empty their thoughts to. The ones that try and fail eventually lose hope, give up and find it hard to open up at all. Nevertheless, everyone still wants to believe that there is someone that will come along and allow them to open up. mmmmm sounding a little dramatic? yes i think so~ -laughs-

im the type of person who is pretty much fine with being alone for quite a while. I could happily just be by myself for a while and feel totally fine and at ease. Its nicer than being around people all the time tbh..

I remember back in the day - i make it sound like ages ago haha - but im referring to only about 2 ish 3 years ago - I used to be different. I used to talk to a load of people, get close to a load and lose touch with just as many. People merged into different groups and I didn't like it. The way people were, who I was. And just like a fish swimming backwards, I slowly retreated out of the social circles. - why I used a fish I really don't know...- re-reading this, its portraying me in a pretty bad light huh -laughs- no I wasn't some crazy ass bitch doing mad shit, but I was 'fake' to some extent. Not your typical 'fake' girl that springs to mind with a crap loada make-up, bitching and all sorts - trust me guys i hate drama and lies. - but fake in the sense that I don't think I was who I actually was. yeah there were fun times but I guess i grew tired of meeting people that wouldn't stay around you for long. what I wanted was good friends who I could be totally 'me' with.

There's a few people that have genuinely been close to me for the past few years and I really do appreciate them. There's still a barrier for me, even to my closest of friends - in which I don't allow myself to speak my mind, but its something you can't just do.

Emotions are funny things aren't they? Trust even funnier. Knowing how people are and how the world is, finding someone you can trust in and tell everything to is a fateful encounter. So whether you have already met this person or when you do meet this person, cherish them to the fullest. :) and if you're like me who's uh..well in the middle of nowhere, write a diary~ or blog like i do...except that I'm usually too lazy or don't find the time to...heh.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

breather

Dear eyes and head, I promise I will let you rest after my deadline next wednesday. I promise.

on a break tonight. Literally been staring at a screen for the past 4/5? maybe 6 days non-stop.my eyes and head are punishing me by torturing me with pain ¬.¬ darn you intense eye strain. but literally with work deadlines next week and my work being an online portfolio website thing, I really have no choice.

Been ill as crap aswell, not been in for college. Usually no matter how ill I will always drag myselfl in...but this flu hit me hard T^T *sniffle*im sat here right now with a hot water bottle~ might just hit bed soon cos this feeling is a joke.

worrying a lot lately. I don't know why, don't like it either. been emotionally weak these days aswell, and no its not pms. yerh a bit too  much info but that seems to be the line that every guy pulls when a girl seems to be shitty. Don't know whats gotten over me literally but I wanna snap out of it. I do not want to fall back into the same spiral as last year because, well that probably would have to top the charts of the worst experience in my life. and i say that from the bottom my heart. If you've ever suffered from anxiety, you'd know. Yes it isn't something life threatening, but it definitely is sanity-threatening. I will be stronger this year.

I need to relax and stay calm. Think i actually might go pruchase some aromatherapy oils to ease the headaches and relax...sister might kill me thoug because she hates them smelly stuffs haha if not then meditation it is. and if you've ever tried it, it is actually really hard to clear your thoughts. You notice how much runs through your head when you try.

Gonna try and head back to college tomorrow before my school tries to kick my ass for 'truant' or something ¬.¬ well well, whoever is reading this, I hope your well :) be strong, be yourself and take care.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

this doesn't make any sense...

My Horoscope for March 5th 2012: [or at least part of it]
"On the one hand you want desperately to trust, whilst on the other hand you feel you can't trust anyone!"
yes horoscopes are a thing of whether you believe in them and can relate to them~ for me, recently my horoscopes tend to be pretty accurate.

ever since i decided to think more positively and stuff ive been telling myself that i will allow myself to trust people more~ i have trust issues and its because...my boyfran cheated on me and we had an epic break up so epic that it stopped traffic. DUN DUN DUN. haa okay okay im kidding~ its just because ive grown to see how people can be and how fragile trust is~

why am i blogging about this?? i really dont know...this blog doesn't really make sense...heh~

watching drama: Saikou no Jinsei no Owarikata~ Ending Planner~ its a family drama although revolving around main character: Ihara Masato and how he inherits his father's funeral parlour business, its not a depressing drama about everyone dying and all but reflects on...somehwat reality~ the many characters all linked but leading their own lives and all the events and things they face in their seperate lives show how people can be absorbed in their own lives. Just as we walk by maybe hundreds of people a day, but their rushing one way to do their things. you in another way to do yours.~ This drama is actually pretty interesting~ its a nice change from all the rom/coms although there is a hint of romance in it~ ;3 heh~ its still airing now though so i cant finish it yet ;__;

im just gonna roll off to sleeps now because im so sleepy lately =-=" gonna be a hectic month with deadlines coming up~ well whatever it is, keep thinking positive! yoshhhhhhhh! -totally watching waaay too many dramas